Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
