I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He passed out mid-signature
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
