I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
