For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
