a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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