phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
