I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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