Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
