I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
