my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
