yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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