What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
