dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
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I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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