he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
