I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
