I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
