you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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