Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
