You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
