its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
