How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
nutella sex= disaster
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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