Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
