You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
