it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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