my sisters under your porch take her home
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
