The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my shit smells like andre
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
