Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
