If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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