there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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