Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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