Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
