if i can run in heels then i can drive
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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