i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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