I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
