did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
