Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
