There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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