oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
