Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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