If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize