New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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