you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
