Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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