The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
