There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The air taste purple.
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