You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
