Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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