Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
