Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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