Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
