So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
