Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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