Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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