Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I puked a lego.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
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You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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