i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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