my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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