I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
