Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
smell my finger.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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