listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
