is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
