if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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