i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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