no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
