wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
