I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
