It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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