I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
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It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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