her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize