I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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