Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
