No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The beer is more important than you right now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
