Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
