dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
COCAINE IS GR8
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
