6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have tasted many bathrooms
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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