I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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