I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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