He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
