I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
