just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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